i can’t stop

May 6, 2010

i can’t stop thinking about you.   About what you were thinking as you stepped out of the door.  Walked down the street.  What was i thinking?  Something stupid and trivial, i’m sure.  What did you have for dinner?  Did you even eat?  It seems ridiculous to wonder this. 

Did you ever hesitate?  Doubt your ability to follow through?  Think it would be excruciatingly hard for your family to live without you? 

Why does this hurt so much?  Is it because i see so much of myself in you?  Am i jealous of your bravery?  Are you watching me now, wondering why i care so much?  I can’t stop caring.  I can’t stop thinking you were the type of person i have always admired, have always strived to be.  Will you ever comprehend how much i respect you for that and am sad i can’t tell you in person.

I can’t stop remembering how i always felt a connection with you, understood how you were different from the norm, a rare gem that only surfaces for a short time.

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