The Red Bracelet

September 27, 2010

My red bracelet is the last physical tie i have to my Burning Man experience.  It will be severed on October 7, 2010 in honor of a fellow burner’s birthday wish.  This small token to me is Burning Man.  It’s been saturated in playa dust and no amount of showers can cleanse it.  It is art in the most minimalist form.  It is ephemeral and can only remain a memory in my mind, my being.  It is a gift.   It is a light among the darkness.  A reminder of what life is not.

I am dreading this day because i feel like once it is gone, so will the enchantment, the dreams.  A memory slipping away in the sunset, never to rise again.  This seems dramatic and silly.  I knew it would not last forever.  I was told upfront, even before letting Dawn double-wrap it around my wrist, what the stakes were.  But it has become such a part of me, a daily reminder of my desert affair. 

I know i am capable of remembering without it, but  i am also afraid that without it i will forget its significance.  The closer it gets to October 7th the more fear creeps in, twisting around my veins, infecting me with lies.  I don’t know if i am strong enough yet to fight back.  I let my fears burn with the Man, but the emotional ashes are converging, ready for a rematch and i am standing alone.

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2 Responses to “The Red Bracelet”

  1. Toddage Says:

    NEVER alone Allie girl…. You’re one with us now. You now know what so many do not. We are a minority those who have been touched by such a place. But one thing you are NOT is alone. Just was talking my good friend, Stuarts ear off about gogin next year with Randy on Sat night. And I’ll be having dinner with Randy, Dawn and Tom this Sat night. So I will pass along your energy to her.

    Toddage

    • neblinoso Says:

      Thanks, Toddage! i never thought it would be this hard. maybe i’m just ill-equipped to handle the retraction, or maybe it’s the Cleveland curse, i don’t know. i just crave that community of love and acceptance and it seems like all of those places exist so far away from me.


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