How Are You?

November 21, 2010

How many of us answer with fine or okay or good?  This question is beginning to get on my nerves.  Not because of its insincerity, but mostly because I am getting tired of lying to everyone.  I am not fine.  I am not okay.  I am not good.  My life is falling apart.  At least it feels that way.

Everyone asks it–people you know, strangers, the 4th floor Acxiom employees who can’t look you in the eye when you enter the elevator.  They know what’s happening on our floor.  They’ve seen the furniture removed, dozens upon dozens of overflowing recycle bins carted away, boxes of cubicle comforts carried to cars as our existence is slowly erased.  But like most people, they don’t want to the know the truth.  Let’s face it, this question is not meant to generate an honest response.  It is a polite greeting, said in passing, often with no intention of even sticking around for the answer.

I’m sure if i were to start answering truthfully, people would stop asking me as i’m sure i’d appear “crazy” and “delusional” and not really all-together.  Because that’s exactly how i DO feel.  And every time i say fine or okay, i’m just reminded at how not fine and not okay i really am.  I am tired of the banality of the traditional response just to keep the day moving, to spare friends the uncomfortable awkwardness of what to say next.  But i also don’t have the time or desire to really tell people the truth, especially people who i know don’t really care.  Speaking the truth only makes it that much more real, and i suppose i’d rather live in the fantasy world of fine, okay and good for just a little bit longer.


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