Mysterious Doors

August 23, 2010

I am uncomfortable with mysterious doors*.  Doors that shouldn’t be there, but are, staring you down in the bathroom, waiting for that unexpected moment of surprise when it opens and exposes you.

There should only be one real door door in a bathroom – the entrance/exit door.  If another non-stall door exists, it should be labeled “closet” or “employees only” but never just a blank door, without any clue as to what’s behind it or where it might lead to or who might walk through without warning. 

And it should never, ever have a vent at the bottom, slits tilted slightly up as if trying to get a flourescent tan from the stark bathroom light.  A vent creates a whole new atmosphere in a closed, one-person bathroom.  A vent means someone could be watching me.

There could be a person standing on the other side of that door, right now.

It suddenly turns a moment of relief into a panicked, rush-driven challenge, because not knowing what that door’s purpose is, leaves lots of room for possible, what i would term, disagreeable scenarios.

It wouldn’t be that hard to label a door.  Tape and a sharpie would be fine with me.  Just something that doesn’t send my minding racing in a thousand directions, which all start with a random person walking through and end with me feeling . . . caught . . . with my pants down . . . literally.

*This excludes random doors leading to other dimensions.  Different Dimension Doors are cool!

Bathroom Etiquette

July 9, 2010

I’m sure many of you work in a place with an “employee only” type of restroom.  Personally, i feel there are certain rules that apply whilst inhabiting these CRs, but it seems not everyone is on board with the type of etiquette i feel is appropriate when sharing a bathroom with others. 

Here are some tips for better bathroom etiquette:

  1. Make sure all deposits have been sufficiently vanquished.  No one wants to see any evidence of what the previous person had for lunch…or dinner the night before.
  2. Remove any and all hairs.  This includes the ones draped over the seat, dipping their follicles in the bowl, as well as the shorter (perhaps curly?) kind.
  3. Do not spray air freshener over the wall of an occupied stall. I appreciate the effort to cover up your stank, but could you at least wait until the person has exited? This shower of fake, fresh-smelling fumigation leaves the same odor on your clothes and a slightly uncomfortable sticky sensation on your skin.  Yuck!
  4. Keep the grunting and sighing to a minimum. I really don’t need to hear an audible storyline of your struggles.
  5. Wipe the counter if you created a mini ocean whilst washing your office kitchenware.  I have soaked the bottoms of so many purses and bags because of this inconsiderate behaviour. 

I’m sure those of you reading this have your own wish-list of bathroom dos and don’ts, so please comment with your personal pet-peeves.